“Being an adult is hard!”

Allie’s commentary on “adulting” came after spending precious naptime hours answering questions about taxes, rather than resting while our three kids were quiet. She put her head in her hands, rubbed her eyes, and looked at me with a sideways glance that seemed to say,

“When does it get easier?”

Does it ever seem to you that even waking up in the grown-up world is enough to make an adult feel overwhelmed?

Novelist Fredrik Backman describes this crushing phenomenon in his book, Anxious People:

“We open our eyes in the morning and life is just waiting to tip a fresh avalanche of ‘Don’t Forget!’s’ and ‘Remember!’s’ over us. We don’t have time to think or breathe, we just wake up and start digging through the heap, because there will be another one dumped on us tomorrow.”

The cascade of to-do’s, things undone, worries, and hopes flood our conscience as soon as our alarms interrupt our worriless, dreamy bliss. And for some, this experience immediately communicates, “You’re not doing enough” or “you ARE not enough.”

I can’t think of a worse way to start the day, really.

Well, OK—stepping on Legos with my bare feet in the dark while discovering my supply of coffee has been replaced with Folgers would also be a special kind of hell. But the whole, “waking-up-under-an-anxious-avalanche” thing sucks, too.

But, back to the point: how do we maintain self-worth when the frenetic world of adult responsibilities tells us we are constantly behind, that we are not enough?

It seems the difficulty of simply existing in a chaotic, demanding world is enough to drive us to live our days in fear. And it’s not only a fear of missing a deadline or not paying a bill, but the fear that if we don’t do more, then we will BE less—less significant, powerful, valuable, or loved.  

In those moments, it may FEEL like we have but TWO choices:

(1) we can either let the burden of Being crush us until we are a dreadful puddle of anxiety OR

(2) we can whip ourselves into a frenzy to conquer the mountain of to-do’s piling up before us.

The former feels a lot like giving up. But it’s attractive to our anxiety-ridden friends among us because there is a brief respite in quitting.

The latter, though it looks like “overcoming,” seems to be rooted in control. Truthfully, it’s a recipe for burnout if we find our value in the constancy of doing.

The former critiques our self-worth by saying, “Look at you—you’d be worth a lot more if you could just pull it together.”

The latter assesses our worth by saying, “You are valuable because of how much you can do” (i.e., “congratulations—you’re crushing it!”).

Have you felt the pull to either ends of this spectrum?

I propose to you, however, that neither path leads to the good life because both are about surviving, NOT thriving.

Sure, conquering every goal and hashtagging your journey to the top is a hell of a lot better than hiding in your room from the world of obligation. Even so, to live as if our value—our personal worth or quality of our day—is contingent upon how much we can accomplish is to live with too fragile a sense of self-worth.

Rather, to rise above these erratic circumstances of Being and rest secure in a steady sense of self-worth, we must source our value from outside of ourselves. But, what does that look like?

I’m going to challenge you with an imaginative prayer exercise that will examine two times when Jesus spoke and showed value to both the desperate and the affluent. It may seem strange or be difficult for you, but I want to help you understand what Jesus SAYS and SEES when He looks at you—however much value you’re giving yourself today.

First, read Luke 18:35-43 and 19:1-10 – the parallel stories of two people living in the same city: a blind man and the chief tax collector.

Now, close your eyes and ask yourself, “Who do I most identify with—the blind, desperate beggar or the accomplished, successful tax collector?”

Then, reread the passage based on the person you chose and notice:

1. How did Jesus respond to that person?
2. What did Jesus say to them?
3. How did they respond to Jesus?

Finally, and this is one of the most important parts, imagine yourself as the person in the story—what do you SAY to Jesus when he speaks; and how do you FEEL?

Write down your responses, meditate on your reactions, and receive the words of value and honor Jesus gives so generously.

Friends, what Jesus reveals about God is this: He does NOT equate our self-worth with our ability to master our environment or bring everything under our rule of self-management.

Instead, Jesus reveals the Father’s heart when he slows down, looks upon both the destitute and the mighty, and invites them to find rest in God’s love. His is a love that refuses to evaluate us on our good or bad performance and THAT, my brothers and sisters, will breath peace into any and every circumstance. This kind of love will strengthen your bones and straighten your back enough to face the world with joy, resilience, and a significance that cannot be devalued.